<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>6/9 by HorologiumParadox</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24634843">6/9</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorologiumParadox/pseuds/HorologiumParadox'>HorologiumParadox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>6/9, 69, Bad Puns, Crack, Dave Strider's trademark rants, Dave is a little bold, Dialogue, Dirty Talk, Earth C (Homestuck), June 9th, Karkat is a little obtuse, M/M, Post-Canon, World Sex Day, i guess??, ish, rated M for conversations about sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:16:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,568</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24634843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorologiumParadox/pseuds/HorologiumParadox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a very special day on Earth C.</p><p>[Rated M for sex talk.]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>6/9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh god, here I am. It's been ages since I've written fanfiction, but Homestuck managed to drag me back into shipping hell.</p><p>This is my first time writing both Dave and Karkat and this is supposed to be crack(ish), so my main intention was for it to be fun. I hope you guys like it.</p><p>I'd like to give a shoutout to albapuella for giving me feedback on my draft! Also, I should mention @itsdave 's fics greatly inspired me to write Davekat fanfiction, I've been hooked on their works since the first piece I read. Anyway, enjoy these mindless shenanigans:</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="block"><span class="dave">DAVE: hey karkat guess what days today</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT'S UHHH... THE NINTH OF JUNE? OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS IN OUR UNIVERSE NOW, ANYWAYS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hell yeah its the ninth of june</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: happy six nine karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WISHING ME HAPPINESS FOR??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well its your day isnt it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: right there on your shirt</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: six and nine all lanky and awkward like teens thru puberty</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hesitantly prodding at each other just to compare notes</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: curiously copping a feel like lifelong bros</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all in good fun and courteous brotherhoodliness</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: kinda pale and tired like yourself so they went horizontal</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but now its too late theyre too deep into this shit theres no going back</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so they just commit to blame it on the hormones</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: things get a bit weird after that they drift apart</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: then life goes on for both of them</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: they meet a girl get hitched have kids</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: then one day they meet again unexpectedly n go for a drink</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: after a few shots of some hardboiled macho distilled concoction they start reminiscing about them old times</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: they go through shared acquaintances where-is-whatshisname-now remember the graduation ceremony what about teacher stuckups speech that was something right like he ever cared when he shoved that F on my face haha right man dont even get me started on that i almost failed that class because of my girl at the time oh shit yeah oh shit indeed</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: they discuss past crushes and start getting more reticent</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: none of them having the balls to say somethin</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: until their eyes meet and years of blazing what ifs suddenly seem too hot to handle</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so they just go on this intense homoerotic staredown hoping god or hopefully one of them will put them out of their misery one way or the other</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and both are silently disappointed when one of em chickens out and asks for the bill</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but on the way out</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sixs hand lingers on nines shoulder</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and thats it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats enough</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that soft french fry greasy touch is all they need to cope</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: to go on knowing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that what they felt that day was true</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and its never to be again</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a true bond between two numbers</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: two numbros</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE EVER, ETERNAL, PERPETUAL LIVING FRESH FUCKING *HELL* ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALSO, THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS SIGN MEANS, YOU UNCULTURED BASTARD.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF METAPHORICAL BULLSHIT YOU MUTILATED OUT OF THESE POOR CURVES AND CIRCLES DRAWN ON MY SHIRT, BUT IT GOES FAR BACK INTO OUR HISTORY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS IS THE MARK OF THE SIGNLESS, A PREACHER OF SORTS WHO WAS FUCKING CHAINED AND TORTURED UNTIL THE FUCKER KEEPING HIM FINALLY TOOK PITY ON HIM AND JAMMED AN ARROW THROUGH HIS BLOODPUSHER. HE DIED IN AGONY, PISSED OFF HIS FUCKING MIND AND SCREAMING, WHICH I GUESS SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRETTY MUCH DEFAULT FOR MY PLANET, NOW THAT I THINK OF IT. HE CAME TO BE KNOWN AS THE SUFFERER, AND THIS SIGN COMES FROM THE PATTERN OF THE CHAINS ON HIS WRISTS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT GUY WAS MY ANCESTOR, APPARENTLY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah i can see the family resemblance</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT WAS THAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: nothing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: anyway your storys p much cooler than two bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart cause theyre not gay</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i didnt know about any of that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but hey that set of curves and balls as you called them</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY NOT HOW I CALLED IT</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes it totally was anyway those set of archs and globes</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: in that specific configuration</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: had a very specific meaning on earth</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHICH WAS?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh im sorry</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont tell me you wanted to know</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, DON'T PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN'T BUILD UP ALL THAT NONSENSE TO TELL ME WHATEVER RIDICULOUS SYMBOLOGY YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A CULTURE MANAGED TO COME UP WITH FOR TWO MATCHING PIECES OF SCORCHING IRON!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wow this sighless kinda sounded like a badass</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wonder where it went wrong</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: nevermind</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well its just that after that whole oral essay</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and i fully mean every sense of that word i mean seriously karkat you should be ashamed of kissing a dead guys ass like that</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WAS JUST FUCKING TELLING HIS FUCKING STORY YOU INTERGALACTICAL PIECE OF SHIT!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah yeah whatever i dont particularly care about your cross-generational lore fellatio</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BLARGH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i thought youd not give two shits about our so called inferior human culture</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so yknow</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: we can go with happy stufferer day there you have it hooray</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: see i can do that i can be culturally open minded about stuff</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CUT THE CRAP, STRIDER.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DID THE SIGNLESS' SIGN MEAN TO YOU?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: nah i dont wanna</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: idk</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: debauch your progenitors tale of martyrdom</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT'S NOT--</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shh karkat no need to explain your daddy issues</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ASDLFKAHSDGSDKJHÇAKFSDJ!!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: anyway its nothing that relevant</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its not gonna blow your mind or doom our timeline or create a new universe</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: actually scratch that im not sure about not dooming the timeline</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: timelines are sensitive fuckers</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW, DAVE? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA PLAY COY AND CAGEY ABOUT THIS? IF IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL THEN FUCKING SPILL IT ALREADY!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THIS ABOUT THE HOMOSEXUAL FUCKERY AGAIN? IS THAT WHY YOU'RE SQUIRMING ABOUT LIKE A SOILNOODLE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wouldnt you like to kn wait a soil what</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yknow what nevermind</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what you just said proves my point of this being another mindless earthly trivia you will frown your caterpillar brows upon and roll those huge ass judgemental eyes at</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat lets be real you have a history of flipping the fuck out and getting your panties in a twist for the infinitesimal of shits im not just playing hard to get</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON'T OWN PANTIES.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YOU ARE LITERALLY *ALWAYS* PLAYING HARD TO GET. EVERY FUCKING SECOND. YOU SHOULD KNOW, YOU'RE THE FUCKING KNIGHT OF TIME.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: first of all bullshit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: second of all that has nothing to do with anything</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: third of all i forgot what i was going to say</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE I THREW FUCKING DOUCHESHADES MCSTRIDER OFF HIS GAME FOR A SECOND! NOW THIS FEELS LIKE A HAPPY SIXTY NINE INDEED!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: damn dude dont get ahead of yourself</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fine do you really want to know</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DAVE, JUST TELL ME!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whats the magic word</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE MAGIC WORD IS "I AM GOING TO SAW OFF YOUR TONGUE WITH MY OWN BLUNT TEETH, COOK IT IN YOUR BLOOD ALONG WITH YOUR GODDAMN EYEBALLS AND MAKE YOU EAT THEM ALL WITH FUCKING GRUBSAUCE".</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: kinky</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well since you asked so nicely</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just dont yell at me if its not what you wanted to hear or if your shiny sociological alternian pride gets irreparably wounded</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GET FUCKED, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah well see about that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: alright heres the deal</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sixty nine is a pretty meaningful number</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its actually also a pictographic sign</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: widely recognized from people of all ages</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well people of all ages after getting in contact with twelve year olds or the internet at least</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: to represent the coming together of two cosmic bodies</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: entwining in the most elevated act of transcendence known to man god tiers got nothing on this blessing of nature karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and every year on the sixth of june</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: humans all around the globe come together to passionately celebrate the glorious art of sixtynineing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and engage in spiritual journeys of strenuous albeit joyful exploration</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...I SOMEHOW UNDERSTAND EVEN LESS NOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S PROBABLY DUMB THAT IT’S OCCURRING TO ME ONLY NOW, BUT I AM ALMOST 100% CERTAIN THAT YOU ARE PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO GET STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING POINT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: man what do you mean</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i laid it all out to you bro</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shits spread flat on the ground</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all smooth not a wrinkle in sight</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you could build a skyscraper on that motherfucker and it would be the straightest shit on earth c</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: besides john supposedly</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO FUCK YOU, THAT ONLY MADE IT MORE CONFUSING!!!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO IT’S A KIND OF RELIGIOUS PARTY? THE HONORED ENTITIES ARE PLANETS? IS IT LIKE A CULT TO THE “TUMBLR ASTROLOGY” SHIT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT ONCE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: lol but no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok so</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i said the sign is a pictothing right</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it represents</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: are you ready</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE I SWEAR TO *ECHIDNA*--</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: alright alright jeez just checkin</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the six and the nine each represent</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a person</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...A PERSON.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes a human people person</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: with human people limbs and human people head and human people torso and hum--</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I KNOW WHAT A FUCKING HUMAN LOOKS LIKE, DAVE, I AM LITERALLY STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU RIGHT THIS FUCKING MOMENT, DRENCHING MY MISERABLE GANDER BULBS IN THE PAINFUL VIEW ASSEMBLED BY YOUR EXISTENCE RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY TORTURED BEING.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre very fucking welcome</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ARGH!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT I DON’T GET IT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: EVEN IF YOU SEE IT AS THE NUMBERS SIX AND NINE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT DOESN’T EVEN *BEGIN* TO RESEMBLE A HUMAN BODY. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: jegus karkat be creative</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: humans sure were</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: clearly not enough to save our kind as a whole</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but enough to see fucking crabs in shining spots in the sky i guess</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont worry about it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: alright here ill help you out</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: look down at your shirt</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: check it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what part does the circle part remind you of</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE HEAD, I SUPPOSE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: correct</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ill give you a spoiler:</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the rest is the body</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...HUH?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: simple right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: head shoulder knees and toes gone minimalistic</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: going back to our spermatozoal roots</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: f yeah irony bonus</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO THE SYMBOL MEANS TWO PEOPLE SIDE BY SIDE? AND PEOPLE CELEBRATE WHAT, HUMAN BONDS?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you could say that</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT MORE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no way man im already pulling my weight in loads of helpfulness here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: now you gotta pull the wagon yourself for a while</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: push through man i know you can do it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?? HOLY SHIT I SWEAR SOMETIMES YOU SPEAK A WHOLE OTHER LANGUAGE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: take a look again and tell me what you see</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SIGH. WHY DO I STILL BOTHER?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALRIGHT UHH...WE HAVE TWO PEOPLE FACING EACH OTHER? APPARENTLY. ONE’S HEAD IS WHERE THE OTHER’S BODY BEGINS, SO THEY’RE...UPSIDE DOWN?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you betcha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...WHICH IS...?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what no man youve only ran like ten feet or something</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: after i gave you ten fucking miles of information to just bask in</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I THOUGHT THE METAPHOR WAS PULLING A WHEELED VEHICLE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its also a marathon karkat cmon get in stride</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAS THAT A FUCKING PUN ON YOUR NAME, YOU EGREGIOUS SHITHEAD?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what are you talking about karkat everyone knows anthroponymic puns are lame as the lowest circle of hell</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theres a special department there to deal with dipshits who think theyre funny</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theyre in a crowd watching a stand up comedy number </span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and theyre told the same joke over and over and over</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the crowd laughs and you do too at first</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but after a while you dont get teh laffs anymore</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: everyones cackling their teeth off around you and the guy on the stage looks on proudly but you just sit there awkwardly cringing from how fucking dumb that joke was</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but you cant tell anyone and you cant scream so you just agonize slowly over eternity</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: feeling the absolute fucking mortification you inflicted upon your very loved ones while living</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I HOPE YOU’RE AWARE THAT THAT WAS FUCKING CREEPY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: nah man its ok hells not even real</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i think</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im mostly sure</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BIZARRE MISPLACED SADISM ASIDE, WE’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: heh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT THIS OH SO FUCKING ELUSIVE ICONOGRAPHIC PIECE OF HUMAN CULTURE MEANS, OR SHOULD I ASK ROSE ABOUT IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh man thatd be very fucking amusing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i dont hate you that much</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, “THAT MUCH”?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it means you dont deserve roses mind games</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: as of now at least</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: alright karkat heres the raw throbbing truth</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its so crude and gross you can feel it pulsing hot in your hands</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: these two allusive people fitted together</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: represented by two numbers shoved against each other side by side</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: reluctantly evoked on the present loosely established date</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: are</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: on each other</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...”ON”? EACH OTHER?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yep that is what they are</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO...ON TOP OF EACH OTHER...?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not necessarily</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theyre just at each other</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCKING CHRIST DAVE, CAN YOU FUCKING DECIDE ON *ONE* PHRASAL SHARD??? IT MAKES ONE HELL OF A LOT OF A DIFFERENCE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: phrasal shard</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: “ON” OR “AT”???</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: RRRRRRRRAAAAAAARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU BE SO MINDNUMBINGLY FUCKING UNHELPFULLY INSUFFERABLE????????</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dunno you should ask my mom</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: while youre at it ask about the sixty nine too</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOT A FUCKING CHANCE. I AM PRYING YOUR LIPS OPEN AND TEARING OUT THE BOTTOM OF THIS SUBJECT EVEN IF IT’S THE LAST THING I ACCOMPLISH IN MY DEPLORABLE LIFE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: man you sure are hung up about my mouth arent you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ever heard of oral fixations</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes karkles</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DON’T CALL ME THAT. WHAT DOES THIS NUMBER-- SYMBOL-- MOTHERFUCKING *DIAGRAM* FUCKING MEANT IN THE EMBARASSING EXCUSE FOR A SOCIETY BACK IN THE PITIFUL GRINDED SLOB OF ROCK THAT USED TO BE YOUR GODDAMN DEPLORABLE PLANET????????????</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude chill jesus</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why does everything have to be a federal issue with you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AHFSKJHSFASHDKJH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!223HIU4HurKGyi@gygig#iygqw</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: are you picturing it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: PICTURING *WHAT*?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the position</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...YEAH?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: alright try using us as a frame of reference</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL I DON’T KNOW IF YOUR OLIVE-SIZED BRAIN IS ABLE TO RECALL, DAVE, BUT AS IT IS, I CAN’T EXACTLY FLY!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just picture it man ffs</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youd expect someone who reads a shit ton of books to have a more inventive imagination</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIE DOWN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: did you hear what i just said</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat what are you doing</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT UP AND BE HELPFUL WITH YOUR BODY IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA DO IT WITH YOUR MOUTH</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do you even hear yourself</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHEN YOU DON’T MAKE MY BLOOD RING IN MY EARS, YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIE THE FUCK DOWN, STRIDER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i suddenly regret everything</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...SEE? THAT WASN’T SO HARD.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALRIGHT SO IT SHOULD BE LIKE...THIS, RIGHT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...yep that sure is how it should be</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no doubt about it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC VIEW FROM THIS POSITION.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no shit karkat i wouldve never seen that one coming</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but surprise me fucking too</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THIS--</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JEGUS FUCK,</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IN RETROSPECT, I SHOULD’VE PROBABLY EXPECTED THIS BUT--</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THIS FUCKING SEXUAL.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fucking hell karkat you just won the fucking masterclass bingo</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: everyone was losing hope and starting to blame the caller</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: then like a phoenix you rise from ashes and despair</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and slam dunk the last chip on your card</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theres cheers and tears going around the ballroom idk ive never played fucking bingo</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bottom line is youre a hero karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHY</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU SINKING SACK OF SHIT??????</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: out of all people karkat i didnt think your sexual train of thought would be buried so deep into your brain</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean personally i keep like four to six tracks active at all times inside my brain</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: two of them are coming up with sick rhymes and combining them with the beats from my other two</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: they may vary and converge but ill always have that one shinkansen on the express lane of elementary school level dick jokes and sexual innuendos</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: with time it rides faster and more silent and refined but its always there and its always pretty instinctive</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING CREEP.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: says the one whos been watching four kids on a computer screen since their birth</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S DIFFERENT! BESIDES, WE FUCKING *MADE* YOU. IT WAS MERELY CHECKING IN ON THE MANY VARYING WAYS AND DEGREES IN WHICH YOU MORONS WOULD FUCK THINGS UP!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah thats what they all say</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK, DON’T YOU TRY TO DISTRACT ME, DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wouldnt dream of it kark</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK SO</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT REPRESENTS THIS FLATTERING DISPOSITION OF TWO BODIES.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yep you got it sir</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...BUT THERE’S MORE, RIGHT? OTHERWISE IT WOULD JUST BE EMBARASSING AND UNCOMFORTABLE AND NOT EVEN WORTHY OF CELEBRATING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK, DID YOU EVEN ACTUALLY CELEBRATE WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sorta</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH THANK YOU, DAVE, THAT’S VERY ENLIGHTENING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MIGHT AS WELL HAVE KICKED ME INTO THE FUCKING VOID WITH A MATCHSTICK.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: happy to serve</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO I’LL GO AHEAD AND ASSUME YOU DO THIS NAKED.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ideally</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WH-- FUCK IT, I’LL TAKE IT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND IT LIKELY INVOLVES SHOVING YOUR FACE IN THE OTHER PARTY’S GENITAL AREA.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats one really weird way to put it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but yes technically correct youre on a roll</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BY ELIMINATION, I’LL SAY YOU USE YOUR MOUTH ON THE OTHER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yep</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SIMULTANEOUSLY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yup</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HENCE THE SLIM END ON THE OTHER CIRLE--</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bullseye</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MOTHERFUCKING BULGESUCKING SHITNIPS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats a gold tier insult right there</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S IT. YOU FUCKING RUINED IT, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I’LL NEVER LOOK AT IT THE SAME WAY AGAIN. AND IT IS LITERALLY A *PART OF ME*! I FUCKING WEAR THIS SHIRT EVERY DAY. AND I MEAN EVERY ***FUCKING*** DAY DAVE HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME WEARING ANY FUCKING THING ELSE???</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well i wasnt gonna say anything but since you brought it up--</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO FUCK YOU SHUT UP.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ONCE MORE I AM STUNNED IN MY INNOCENCE AND NAIVETY (SHUT UP DON’T LAUGH) AT *YET ANOTHER* VULGAR, DEBASED HUMAN CUSTOM YOU MANAGED TO CRAM INTO MY THINKPAN. WILL OH WILL I ***EVER*** FUCKING *****LEARN*****???????</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey i did warn you though</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you chose the harsh path of elucidation</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: knowledges got a price bro</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH YES, THAT IS SOME CHOICE PIECE OF WISDOM YOU CHOSE TO GRACIOUSLY SHARE WITH YOUR BROTHER-IN-ARMS! I AM FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT, DAVID STRIDER!!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude what the fuck thats low</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you fucking know thats not my full name</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH SORRY, MY MISTAKE! MR. DAVID *NUMBFUCKING GLOBELICKER* STRIDER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: damn karkat that one was pretty pathetic</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP. UGH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST BE SERIOUS FOR A SECOND, AND I ALREADY FEEL FUCKING STUPID FOR ASKING:</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY CONSIDER THE NINTH OF JUNE TO BE SOME SORT OF SPECIAL DATE AT ALL?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: kind of</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: F--</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: they do!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: jesus</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but its not like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a big event or something</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: mostly its just a piece of gossip or trivia to snicker about</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: then fuck like rabbits as if anyone needed a reason for that in the first place</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its mainly just an excuse to bone its not like easter or anything</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no family gatherings involved</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hopefully</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH NO LET’S NOT START THAT DISCUSSION AGAIN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: a fucking greed</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GOG. TALK ABOUT A COLOSSAL WASTE OF FUCKING TIME.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what do you mean karkat dont you feel refreshed from this sweet new bit of human references you just absorbed</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HELL NO.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IF ANYTHING, I WISH I COULD TAKE IT BACK.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no dice bro</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ride the wind</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW WOULD IT WORK, EXACTLY...?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I MEAN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS POSITION LOOKS...UNPLEASANT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: does it now</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT UP, I’M THINKING HERE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I MEAN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I CAN GET BEHIND INNOVATING AND SHIT, BUT THIS JUST LOOKS COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MY ARMS ARE ALREADY STARTING TO HURT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: then get the fuck up and off of me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ALSO THERE’S CLEARLY A DIRECT SIZE-RELATED PROPORTION. I THINK THE TARGET AREA MIGHT NOT EVEN BE EASILY REACHED DEPENDING ON SOMEONE’S HEIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats swell but hey karkat could you maybe draw those conclusions with your ass away from my face</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: idk if youve noticed but youre dipping down</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH FUCK-- SORRY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah thats great thanks</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ive already been almost smothered to death by puppet ass</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: though itd be a step higher than that id rather not be assed to god tier fake death by you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i wonder if itd be a just death from how embarassing dying like that would be to the universe that decided to put its faith in me as the alpha timeline dave</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the other universes would gather around it to laugh at the sheer fucking idiocy of the occasion</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: THATS your fucking knight of time? more like CHAIR of time amirite what a shitty waste of stardust</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCKING HELL DAVE! OK LOOK!! I’M ROLLING AWAY! I’M ROLLING FAR AWAY FROM YOU!! I’M PRETENDING YOU ARE A HUNGRY BARKBEAST AND I’M A TASTY SLIVER OF SKINNED MEAT THRIVING TO ROT FOR YET ANOTHER DAY!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ew</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH EXACTLY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ANYWAY, IN SHORT: MY BLOOD’S SIGN EVOKES THE SACRED ACT OF BONING IN SOME WORLD NOW METEORED TO ASHES, MUCH LIKE MINE. BECAUSE OF THE RESEMBLANCE TO SOME ARBITRARY NUMBER (YES YES I KNOW IT’S NOT ARBITRARY DAVE STOP RAISING THAT EYEBROW), TODAY IS THE DAY IN WHICH THAT (MOSTLY) DEAD CIVILIZATION WOULD CELEBRATE THAT MOURNFULLY ASININE CONVENTION BY HOSTING LITERAL FUCKFESTS AROUND THE PLANET. IN THE END, THE SEXUAL POSITION THAT ORIGINATED ALL THAT IS FUCKING IMPRACTICAL. ALSO, LAST BUT NOT LEAST, GO FUCK YOURSELF ALL THE WAY TO HELL AND BACK, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: aw im flattered by the mention</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: KISS MY GLOBES.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: as i was saying a dozen pages ago</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: happy sixty nine, karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING M--</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SIGH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAPPY SIXTY NINE, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so anyway i think we should celebrate</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S BEING PRETTY HARD NOT TO ACTIVE THAT PRIMITIVE TRAIN OF THOUGHT YOU MENTIONED.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well let it rip then</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cmon man this gets more awkward by the second i would know it i can literally hear them tick by at all times</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE ASKING.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude its not rocket science do you wanna or not</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ectobiology is way harder than this and you fucking pulled it off with flying colors</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ill narrow it down for you: bang your bro y/n</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait that sounded weird not your actual brother</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that would be a little fucked up</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh nevermind i forgot about the incestual slurry tradition</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH SURE SIBLINGS ARE OUT OF BOUNDS BUT THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH JUST STRAIGHT OUT ASKING YOUR BEST FRIEND TO PAIL OUT OF THE FUCKING BL--</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT A SECOND.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DID YOU</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DID YOU COME UP WITH THIS WHOLE FUCKING SUBJECT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TO ASK ME OUT?????????</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it was just a natural subject coming up in a natural conversation</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just very </span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: naturally</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: (fuck)</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: *YOU* CAME UP TO *ME* AND ASKED IF I KNEW WHAT DAY WAS TODAY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I BARELY HAVE HALF A FRAME OF REFERENCE FOR THIS FUCKING CALENDAR OF YOURS, AND GIVE MINUS 2 SHITS ABOUT EARTHLY FESTIVITIES.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: EXCEPT MAYBE YOUR BIRTHDAY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: heh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW LONG?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: huh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW LONG DID YOU PLAN THIS FOR?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT HOLY SHIT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY TO COME TO PULL OFF THIS JACKASSERY???</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bro youre giving me way too much credit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i just saw an opportunity and grabbed it like a lifeline</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: years on the wild open sea to finally see the taunting ends of a battered rope</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: in a fit of bravery i thrash wildly to reach it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i cant go all the way</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: someone has to pull me up</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: to put an end to this aimless drowning</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: though i think no human being survives years in the ocean without a boat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fuck</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: are you hungry?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING FINISHED?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i--</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT, DON’T ANSWER THAT. SHUT UP AND LISTEN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCKING HELL, DAVE! WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE FOREVER NOW. WE LIVE IN THE SAME FUCKING HOUSE, WE SHARE THE SAME FUCKING THINGS AND WE CONSTANTLY FUCKING *CUDDLE* ON THE COUCH, DAVE-- DON’T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK, THERE’S NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT: THAT IS OUTRIGHT FUCKING CUDDLING!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU WANNA ASK ME OUT? THANK ***FUCKING*** GOD!!! BUT FUCK ME IF WE’RE GONNA DO IT THE STRIDER TOO-COOL-FOR-ROMANCE FUCKING WAY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: !!!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOU DORKFACE! I LIKE YOU A FUCKING LOT, HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCE FUCK KNOWS WHEN, JUST WAITING AROUND FOR YOU TO QUIT THAT NO HOMO BULLCRAP SO WE COULD FINALLY, ***FINALLY*** KISS EACH OTHER’S FACE OFF!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD JUST CASUALLY SEX YOUR WAY IN? WELL</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL YOU CAN, BECAUSE I VIRTUALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA UH. WHAT YOU SAID EARLIER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: heh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT!!!!! WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IF YOU WANT MORE THAN JUST THAT, THEN...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DON’T HALF ASS ME.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fuck</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i really want to kiss you right now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: can i?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...YEAH. YEAH, YOU CAN, ASSHOLE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok cool</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE:</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT:</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: also i uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i really really like you too</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sorry for roundabouting this</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEH. THAT’S FINE, AS LONG AS YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, IDIOT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: right now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: my offer still stands</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...and my offer’s not the only one</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, DAVE.</span></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well there we have it, lads and gents, the dumbest fucking way ever to confess to your crush!</p><p>I hope I managed alright, especially since my English is a bit rusty, haha. That said, please feel free to point out any Major Linguistic Blunder I might have committed. Sometimes, using slang and informal expressions in another language feels like making grabby hands in the dark, then sometimes you step on a fucking landmine and it blows up in your face to leave you collecting the remains of your shattered pride as a language student into a frail plastic bag. Don't worry, it's biodegradable.<br/><br/>I have half a mind to make a sequel to this with smut perhaps? I don't know, but comment if you feel like you'd read more or something. Feedback is really great for The Big Inspire(tm). Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>